Suicide Help - I'm Thinking About Committing Suicide - Why You Shouldn't!

Suicide Help - I'm Thinking About Committing Suicide - Why You Shouldn't!

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Expert Author Katheryn Hoban
Suicide seems like a good option at the time when you are struggling, maybe sometimes the only option. But it's not the correct option. I am a yoga teacher with nearly twenty years' experience. The reason that I got into yoga is that I was so depressed, I couldn't sleep for about six months, I had terrible nightmares. I could not cope with my life, I felt alone, I could not hold down any sort of job, I was without money, and I felt completely inadequate. As a matter of fact suicide became like a temptation and obsession. I would walk out of the apartment and have an image of throwing myself in front of a bus, or of me falling out onto the train tracks. I lived in New York City at the time and I imagined going on the train to the Bronx, and buying a loaded gun, and finding an empty hidden place and taking my life. I lived on the ninth floor, and I had to resist the impulse not to open the window as wide as possible, knock out the screen and take a running start and throw myself out the ninth floor bedroom window. On a very bad night, I went up to the thirteenth floor terrace garden, of my building, and lay on the wide ledge on my belly, attempting to roll myself over. So I may not completely know what you are going through, but I had my own pain, and low self-esteem issues that caused me to want to end my life. When you think about suicide you don't think about who you are going to hurt, or impact with your death, you just think about stopping the pain. I know. I was in that place.
That night on the roof ledge, I kept trying to roll over, but what stopped me was this terrible image of me hurtling down thirteen stories and then somehow living, but being terrible mangled, and crippled, and my mouth twisted all over my face, and rushed to the hospital, and not being able to speak or move because I was paralyzed. The image was haunting enough that I got off the ledge.
While I was still in New York, I shared with one of my friend's that I felt like buying a gun and killing myself but I thought maybe I wouldn't die. There are no coincidences. It was as if I kicked her in the gut and she gasped for breath and covered her mouth. She told me that her friend, had shot herself in the head, but didn't die right away, and she seemed to have a change of heart, and crawled to the table with the phone, pulled down the phone and managed to dial 911. She died before the ambulance arrived. After I had told her that, she shared that the death of her friend had always haunted her, and that she didn't know that she was depressed or needed something. She felt so guilty for not being able to save her friend or reach out to her in some way.
What I'm asking you right now, is don't do it. Don't hurt yourself. Put that temptation off a little longer, and you will be able to get through this. Right Now, I want you to go to a worse-case scenario with me. Let's say that you hanged yourself, shot yourself, and you managed to kill yourself. Now think about your little sister, brother or cousin comes happily into the room that you are in, having just killed yourself. Sees you all covered in blood, and there is terrible smell, truly you just filled her or his head with terrible images. She or he starts screaming and runs out of the room, or out of the house and runs directly into the street, and nearly gets hit by a car. Or let's imagine that your grandma comes into the garage, which you committed suicide in, thinking it's a dark place, and no one will find you for a few days. Well she found you. She will never ever get that image of her grandson or daughter, dead and bloated after several days.
I know it's horrible to think of someone dear to you finding you. But someone always finds you, quite unexpectedly. If you think about that now, you might hesitate just a little while longer. That is what we need to do. The longer that you avoid the temptation of taking your own life, the more time you will have to sort through the pain, and fix it. What worked for me was to start changing my thinking, I mean really changing my thinking, mostly about myself, and do physical movement that generated positive energy in my body and my mind. When you start physically and emotionally feeling different, the need to hurt yourself will pass. Because hopefully you begin to respect yourself, and you have new feelings for yourself, and you become more motivated, to achieve challenging physical movements or other challenges in your life. It starts by saying I can do this.
Instead of you having a negative impact on someone because you killed yourself, and he or she found you, or are so guilty over your death, let yourself have a positive impact, on them, by teaching, or volunteering, or mentoring. Now let's get up and do some movements.
Star points. To begin with:
Stand up with your feet, open hip width or shoulder width apart. Your hands will be resting down by your sides. Slightly bend your legs, and sweep your hands and cross them in front of your hips to get started. Swing your arms out and up to the highest corners of the room. Push your chest outward and turn your head up towards the ceiling or sky. Press your hands and fingers towards the corners of the room, and then bring the arms down to the mid-way point, out like wings, with your palm facing down. Now you will slightly roll your chest forward and down and your back begins to arch, tilting your head slightly down and forward. You begin to lower your hands down until your reach the lowest corners of the room. Point your fingers towards the lowest corners of the rooms, with your body bent and back rounded forward. Sweep your hands across your body and out and up to the highest corners of the room again. Again, press your chest forward and up, tilt your head upward and press your fingers into the upper corners of the room. Bring them down to mid-point with your palm down. Now you will slightly roll your chest, and your back, tilting your head slightly down and forward. You begin to lower your hands down until your reach the lowest corners of the room. Point your fingers towards the lowest corners of the rooms, with your body bent and back rounded forward. Repeat one more time. When you do position like this it's impossible to maintain a depressed state of mind. What we are doing is changing the physiology to change your mood. More blood and Oxygen are coming to your brain and limbs. You feel slightly better.
Change what you are focusing on. If you are depressed, stop focusing on what is causing you pain. Focus on one small thing that is working. Let's say in your apartment you have a bright yellow wall and a horribly brown wall. When you look at the bright yellow wall you feel happy, when you look at the brown you feel depressed and ugly. Start by looking at the bright yellow wall. If you are watching depressing content on television or YouTube, make it a point to watch more uplifting programs. Find the good. And please stay with me, and stay with life. You were put on this planet for a reason. You will find that reason.

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